The Terrible Twos Strike

Nobody tells you that ‘The Terrible Twos’ don’t actually start at 2, they start months before that. The extra tantrums, the defiance, the clinginess but mostly the frustration. We’re all exhausted.

It’s been a busy few months to say the least, time seems to just be flying past and I’m not sure how to take it all in.

So, officially, this is a major phase Freddie is going through, the one where he starts to gain ever increasing independence and cognitive function, unofficially, this is the phase where I feel like pulling my own hair out.

You hear a lot about the tantrums, but nobody seems to really mention the extra toll it takes on your mental health. I have been totally overwhelmed and tired recently, trying to stay strong and emotionally available. Not being able to understand Freddie’s wants and needs fully and being the sometimes literal punching bag is one of the hardest things. The frustration for both of us builds and builds which more often or not leads to tears for one, or again, both of us.

I have felt like the worst Mum recently, even when deep down I know I’m not, not even close. When I get tired and overwhelmed, I shut down. It feels like I can’t function and every small thing becomes a major hurdle. The lack of energy means not wanting to do anything, say anything or be anywhere. The only thing I want to do is sit in silence, which frankly is the complete opposite of this house 99% of the time.

I have had a lot of moments this month where I have counted down the hours, the minutes until nap time, or bedtime just so I can be alone. There has been many thoughts of just not wanting to be a Mum anymore, closely followed by intense guilt. How can I feel like this? How can I blame a nearly 2 year old for my mental health? Parenting guilt, as I am slowly learning, is completely normal and usually means quite the opposite of how I am feeling.

Our next challenge is trying to find a suitable nursery/playgroup placement in our area, that’s another minefield. The next government scheme opens up in June, for funding for the September intake, my head already hurts with the idea.

On a side note - the website has had a little refurb, I’ve moved back from Wordpress to Squarespace so now it all looks little more polished and complete. Saying that though, some things may not work fully, or have broken links, feel free to point them out! Whilst the main focus remains on the blog and journalling my thoughts, feelings and goings on, I feel I can present some of my pictures a lot better in the Squarespace galleries.