Wirral Way (18/365)
I'm annoying myself. I started this project in order to improve both my photography skills and my mental health but as it stands, right now, both are falling apart.I knew I'd reach this point but I didn't think it would be so soon.
Each day I'm going out to try and improve on the previous photo, or at least previous attempts I've done. However, I appear to have reached a wall where it's just not getting better. The more I try to produce better images, the more I'm getting stressed out. Exactly the opposite of what this project was supposed to do. Unfortunately I can't put a finger on what the issue is. I mean there's a huge feeling the main problem is me which then brings self-doubt into the forefront of my mind again.
Negative thinking has always been my main way of thinking. I know it may not be healthy but honestly, I can't see that changing any time soon. In some situations it grounds me. If I don't expect greatness, I can't be disappointed when it doesn't happen. However, I am able to see why being overly critical doesn't allow me to develop. It can limit me too much. As quite a few people say about themselves, I am really am my worst enemy.
There isn't anyone who could find as many errors and faults in my work as I do. When I'm doing my photography, I've already got the final image in my head even before I've taken it so when it comes to the processing and it doesn't look how I imagined, in my eyes, I've failed. To others the final product may look good, to me it is never perfect. I suppose thanks to my depression, this is something that will never really go away, I'll just somehow have to learn to see through it.
Honestly, it's days like today that really make me want to give up. It's day eighteen though, I've got this far. Giving up just allows my brain and mental illness to win, again.
Riveracre Valley (7/365)
I apologise for today's picture. I went to Riveracre Valley just before sunset expecting to get some decent shots with the sun coming through the trees. Nope, I was definitely wrong. It was a complete failure.
To add to the disappointment of the picture, I'm so tired today that; a) typing correctly isn't happening (thank you spell check!) and b) I used the wrong aperture so the actual picture is horrible. I've done my best with it in post processing, which in all honesty isn't very good in itself. I'm going to have to retake this one at some point because it has potential to be good, just not on days like today.
Still thinking of ways to improve the site, I've now started drawing/mapping out how I want the site to look. Clearly not something I should be doing when tired!- R
Bearded Dragon (16/365)
Alduin actually sat still long enough for me to get a decent picture inside his vivarium.
Not a huge amount to say today. I've been trying to get my head around Instagram and whatever Instagram stories are. From what I've seen they're similar to Snapchat, which I also don't understand. I'm still thinking of designs and ways to improve the site.
Ventured out to Parkgate to get another picture I've wanted to get for a while. I don't think I've actually ever gone onto the marshland. I'm quite happy with how it turned out, as well as the HDR I also did.
I'm still working on the website, so there may be some downtime over the next few days. I can't quite work out how I want it to look. Do I want it focused on the images, or on the writing? Or do I carry on like now with a mix? More work is definitely needed. Problem is, it's getting to me, I don't like leaving tasks unfinished.
Nothing special photowise today as quite frankly I'm sick of looking at this screen. I've spent today being a 'trooper'...bad joke. Anyway, I've sent today being a trooper in the sense of I found a problem with the site so I've spent the day finding and fixing it. Nightmare.
I really do wish I knew just that little bit more about coding/website design in general. Been racking my brains today why my images where really badly compressed when displayed. To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure but it's now solved. Well solved as much as it is going to be today. I have a feeling I'm going to have another restless night thinking of ideas to fix it.
Tomorrow, I'm going to potentially change the theme over, or following some advice, attempt designing a page. That can only go horribly wrong but we shall see!
PS as it turns out, I really like how portrait images look when aligned to the left. Now to take more portrait shots...
Stepping Out (13/365) - Day Thirteen of Project365
Only a short one today as I'm not feeling great. All day I've been dizzy and unsteady on my feet, which is just wonderful. Despite that though, I've managed to distract myself so I am feeling in a slightly better mood. Who knows how long that will last though.
Focus Issue - Day Twelve of Project365
I couldn't think of a more fitting picture to sum up today really. I can't seem to focus on anything. Have you ever starting doing something because you enjoy it only to then change your mind 5 minutes later? Well that's been my day. Well, actually that's been my past few days.
It's become apparent that I am definitely in one of my low moods. There's plenty of things to do but can I find the motivation to do any of them? Nope. If I had to pick just one thing I hate the most about my depression it would most certainly be the feeling of being lost and being uncertain. It can sometimes be like your brain switches off while you are still awake rendering you pretty much useless. Quite often I find myself just sitting somewhere, not doing anything, just sitting. Okay, just sitting and thinking can sometimes be a good thing but when your mind is prone to wandering and jumping to conclusions maybe it's not so good.
Time to go and think about doing lots of things...then not do them.
Day Eleven of Project365
Honestly, this picture sums up my day perfectly. My head feels like it's underwater. I suffer from migraines which most of the time, I can't tell when it's going to kick in. Today though it's been building and building until now it's really hurting.
I'm always able to tell it's going to be a migraine, not just a bad headache, because I become really slow. I must have typed all of these sentences a trillion times due to how many mistakes I keep making. It's kind of like a cloud covers everything I'm doing and turns me into a accident-prone mess. I also can't concentrate on anything which would probably distract me slightly.
On a side note though, I'm definitely going to use the GoPro more throughout my project365. It allows me to capture more obscure images like today's. It's also very portable so I should probably start taking it out more with me.
To bed I go!
Day Ten Project365
I'm still not completely back to normal today. Lacking motivation. I've decided to spend the day reading some books and working my way through the small pile I've accumulated.
Throughout the past year I've found reading often helps distract me from overthinking. It allows my brain to switch off and enter the world I'm reading about for a few hours. I can find myself mentally inside a magical castle, or inside a dystopian world of some sort (probably one that's hungry and there's a game...). I love having the mental images the writer describes knowing that nobody else will imagine exactly what I am. That's probably why more often than not, whenever a film adaptation of a book is made it just never seems to be as good. Harry Potter. Nothing like what I imagined.
Currently I'm working my way through the Shadowhunter series by Cassandra Clare. Which again, not that I've seen it properly, has an awful TV adaptation.
Day Nine Project365
Yesterday was a bit of a slow day. My head starting thinking in overtime so I really didn't have the energy to post. I suppose Day Nine's picture, Light The Way, sort of reflects how I felt. It's a bit lazy.
I know I'm going to have days like that though, maybe I should plan in advance for them so my 365 doesn't suffer too much. Then again. I'm not so sure how much forward planning I can do considering most days I don't know what I'm going to take a picture of. So far, only one of my pictures has been properly planned out.
I did manage to get up and out later on though. I went to watch the new Jumanji which was surprisingly good. Every single time I go to the cinema though I come out with a throbbing headache from the sound system...worth it.
Day Eight of Project365
Travelled back home to West Kirby earlier today to try and capture a sunset picture at the marine lake. However as it turned out the sunset was appalling and I may as well not have bothered!
I've taken this shot a fair few times but not this year! I think I've got away with it this time...
It's always a bit weird going back to West Kirby. I grew up there but to be completely honest, I hate the place. I've got some good memories of course but looking back it's mostly bad. Although one benefit of going back to places like the Marine Lake is realising how far I've actually come, maybe not physically but mentally. There is alot of things, and people, that are best left in the past. So maybe taking the same picture from a new perspective is a hidden meaning? Who knows.
I've always wanted to get this image and give astrophotography a go, yes it's not perfect but I'm made up for a first attempt. I'll definitely have to go somewhere darker next time though.
I've been doing photography for 10 yearsish now. I've never managed to take a decent picture of the night sky. Getting that image last night was a huge moment for me personally. Whilst the picture itself could be a hell of a lot better, I'm hugely proud. I've also managed to do seven days of the 365 now so I couldn't think of a better time to attempt the shot.
Day Six of Project365
Today has been quite a chilled out day in both the relaxed sense and being cold!
I took a short walk around the Ellesmere Port dock area this morning to try to get today's image of the small lighthouse near the entrance to the Shropshire Union Canal. Despite my tripod being fairly close to useless and there being a ridiculously cold wind, I'm actually quite happy with how this HDR turned out. I found out that I've been using my tripod wrong for almost 10 years which is quite embarrassing really. To be honest, I wasn't really aware you could use it wrong but there you go.
Tomorrow marks the seventh day of my Project365, which already has been a bit of a challenge at times. I'm not going to give up this time though. I'll probably write a longer post tomorrow afternoon.
- R View on Flickr
Day Five of Project365
This is Alduin, my bearded dragon, who will more than likely be making more than one appearances throughout this process. I'm late posting this one due to more playing about with the site, which I'm still not happy with. I did take the photo yesterday though, although by the time I'd finished altering the site it was gone midnight.
Day Four of Project365
Today I've spent the majority of the day fiddling and website building in an attempt to get it to look better. It still needs lots more work but it's definitely better than before.
I've always enjoyed website design but never really had the patience to sit down and learn about coding. Maybe this is something else I should think about doing this year. I did start a website design course in late 2016 so maybe I should carry on with that. Starting this site has really opened my eyes about everything I thought I had a slight grasp on. Which apparently...I didn't. I tried to set up a static home page earlier, needless to say, that didn't go to plan.
I've got a lot of ideas about how to improve my site but very little understanding of how to actually do it. Annoyingly though, because I've got so many ideas floating around in my head, it tends to drag my mood down when I can't do it. I'd want nothing more for this blog to be somewhat successful. Maybe not so I'm rolling in money (although that would be nice too...) but I want to be able to help other people through my experience with mental health issues. However, I'm really not sure how best to do that either.
My aim was, and still is, to complete a Project365 and use the site as platform to showcase my year. (Also on Flickr and Instagram). But I also want to use the blog as a sort of diary and/or advice point for others.
If anyone reading this has any ideas at all please get in touch with me, all help is most certainly appreciated.
Day Three of Project365
I'm using day three as a chance to attempt to catch up on my huge backlog of photos I need to process including ones from a few years ago. I've also begun the task of reading up on histograms. I've never really paid much attention to it but now I realise that's probably been a huge mistake and has only added more time to the post-processing part of photography.
I find editing my images, in Lightroom and Photoshop, is actually quite therapeutic. Focusing on the image allows my brain to sort of switch off for an hour or two. Often I actually prefer the editing part rather than the physical image taking part of photography.
Day Two of Project365
Just a quick picture for today as I'm not feeling brilliant, I've got the cold that is going around so coughing quite a lot.
This picture has made me realise I'm not very good at night photography so if I get anything out of this project improving that is going to be a huge goal. Does anyone have any advice? May well be the camera restricting me a bit, think I need to play around with it.
Day One of Project365
This is the beginning, day one, of what will hopefully be a better year. I've started a photography Project365 in order to improve my photography skills and to also use it in a way to better my mental health.
I'll try to post a comment for the majority of my daily images, some may be longer than others depending on my mood. I can't promise my 365 will be the most interesting but maybe it will give an insight into what goes on in my head sometimes.