5 months into 2019 and so far it’s been a weird one. I’ve lost my way countless times and gone into dark places but also there have been several glimpses of light too.Read More
The black clouds are lifting a bit now. I’m in a better mood since my last post as expected.Read More
January is always hard for me. My mental health always takes a big hit.
Every year it is the same thing, but I hold onto the knowledge that bad moods and dark thoughts don’t last. This year is a bit different, it’s my first working through it. It’s a different experience having to mentally try and control myself whilst somewhat putting on an impression of “i’m fine”.Read More
"I really should make a blog post". "...maybe I should write something". Both thoughts that have gone through my head alot since my last post. I keep saying to myself that I need to write something, the whole point of this blog was to get thoughts out and share my life. I haven't done that though. I'd say I'll do a better job but I think I know by now not to make promises, it's best just going with the flow.
I've been in a better mood recently, which sometimes, okay most times, leads to a dramatic down feeling. At the moment I'm waiting for that to happen. Anyway. With my better, good moods often comes a period of huge bursts of ideas.
I have all sorts of plans and ideas in my head but honestly, I have no clue how to go about actually doing most of them. I am determined to make photography work for me, I'd love for it to be my main source of income. My job. I don't know how to do that and it's getting to me. I wouldn't even know where to start with beginning a career. So, if anyone has any advice or knows anyone who would be able to help, that would be hugely welcome!
I keep meaning to create an online store to sell some prints but can never work out the best site to use/how to send them so give up trying. My main problem once again is confidence, I feel scared to try something for the worry of being laughed at and it not working at all. I wish I had the confidence, understanding and knowledge to do portrait photography. Maybe a course or something would be a good idea, who knows.
On a slightly different note, I went for a walk around Birkenhead Park recently. To end this rather confusing post/ramble, the next shots are from that walk mainly taken with the A6000. I will post again soon.
Whenever the weather changes I feel more irritable and down.Read More
Summer 2008. The start of it all.Read More
Everyone is entitled to an opinion......however there's a time and place to air it.Read More
Since the last post I'm feeling a little better. I'm getting through the latest low mood. I've been finding distractions and little ways to feel better.Read More
Drained and exhausted. Two words that sum up a depressive period. I've not been feeling too well the past few days which of course can have an effect on everything else. On top of that today I received some news which wasn't exactly welcome. Both of these things have brought about my most recent bout of depression and feeling drained.Read More
Nowadays we are surrounded by social media. Everywhere we look there are things pointing towards being online and active on various websites and apps. Whilst this can provide a positive outcome of feeling connected, social media can also have a negative impact on mental health.Read More
There's always one piece of advice that is given when related to mental health. Keep busy. Find a hobby.Read More
We completed the coastal walk on Sunday in order to fundraise for Wirral Mind, part of the Mind Charity focusing on mental health awareness and support.Read More
Since my last post, "I'm not going out today", I've hit a bit of a turning point. I received some feedback and comments that spurred me on, that gave me a bit more confidence and passion. I made the conscious decision to not care as much.
10 years ago I would take the camera everywhere I went and snap away, coming home afterwards happy with whatever I had. Recently it's been quite the opposite. I'd go out, have an idea in my head and then be left deflated when that idea didn't come to fruition. As it stands, I'm constantly fighting with myself to do the opposite. To embrace what is already happening wherever I am. To be a photographer.
I'm not going out today. A phrase that I, and probably a lot more people than thought, use quite often when feeling anxious, or low. A phrase I should stop saying but that's just one part of the battle.
Periods of depression, being in the shadows, whilst devastating and debilitating can also be very productive. I've lost motivation for a huge amount of things over the past few months, but surprisingly, gained a lot too.
I'm often too hard on myself, I'm overly critical and more often than not hate my own work. However, this way of thinking while many see it as a bad thing, has helped force myself to get better. I feel like I've improved a few things that otherwise would still be lacking.
So, I originally planned this post to be out yesterday, however it has taken a lot longer than planned to organise and write. Writing about my mental health always requires more time than I plan for.
Thursday 1st February 2018 marked Time to Talk day. Although, a day really isn't enough. It should be time to talk everyday. The following post is probably going to be my most personal and most difficult to write but it's an important one.
So, to start I need to do a bit of a catch up for the past few days. I missed when the site was down for maintenance. I've added a new page and gallery for my Project365 images which looks better. Not going to lie though. As satisfying as it is to have made my own website, it really was a complete pain.
The past few images haven't been my best but I'm not quite as stressed as I was. Worth it, I guess. Now I've separated the 365 pictures from the blog I should be able to put it to much better use. It's definitely easier to explain what's been going on and how I'm feeling. So far I don't think the mental health side of the blog has really been that obvious. I made this site in order to display both my pictures but to also, and mainly, improve my mental health through writing.
I'm glad Christmas is out of the way for another year, it wasn't as bad as usual but still not particularly pleasant. I managed to control my thoughts a lot better than normal, which is a sign I've done, or doing, something right. One long standing side effect of my depression which I can't seem to kick very easily when it starts is the horrible feeling of confusion and lack of concentration mixed with anger. It usually happens when I'm doing something I usually enjoy, like gaming.
For me, depression isn't just feeling sad. It's being unmotivated, tired, irritable and many more things.
I have found reading can provide a bit of relief for a short while but actually finding the motivation to do it is a whole different thing. I'm just hoping I don't have that many episodes of this when I'm completing my Project365. If anything I hope my photography will be a distraction at times.