January is always hard for me. My mental health always takes a big hit.

Every year it is the same thing, but I hold onto the knowledge that bad moods and dark thoughts don’t last. This year is a bit different, it’s my first working through it. It’s a different experience having to mentally try and control myself whilst somewhat putting on an impression of “i’m fine”.

My photography has taken a back burner the past few weeks because I can’t concentrate on it. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to get up in the mornings, go to work, talk to people or even eat. I know I have to though. I have to keep going despite the battle that is going on inside my head.

My head feels like the picture above. It feels like there is a ton of waves all crashing against the rocks not giving me a chance to have a break.

I can feel myself doing the usual and pushing people away when I need them most but in my head, that’s me protecting them. I always preach about the importance of talking but sometimes I don’t even do it. There’s many things I hate and feeling like a burden, or an annoyance is definitely high up there.

I’m feeling stressed out, to the point where the smallest of things irritate me beyond belief. I’ve been trying essential oil diffusing at night, while I sleep (if I sleep) which I think is working. Does anybody have any advice for dealing with stress?

I’ve always found music helps describe my feelings better than I ever could. This time the new Papa Roach album came out at exactly the right time!

“Everybody says they’re fine
But I know we’re not alright

I know we’re not alright
It’s always darkest just before the light
I know your silence is a deadly sound
It’s never easy when you’re breaking down
But I’ll be there when you come around “

I’ll post new photos soon, when my head is in a better place.

-Rachael