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Capturing The Negative

The mental health journey of a new first time mum

Mental Clearing and Clarity – Learning About Myself

Mental Clearing and Clarity – Learning About Myself

02/09/2022 Comments 4 comments

It’s very strange when you realise you’ve been living a lie, and not being your true self for years. Sometimes though, you need to sit back, think and readjust. This is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past couple of months. I’ve spent a LOT of time just analysing myself and trying to work out who I am and who I want to be. I have recently started therapy again after having a bit of a slip backwards after the birth of Freddie and feeling quite overwhelmed. I find myself getting flustered and frustrated really easily which eventually leads…

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Welcome to 2022 – The Year of Change

Welcome to 2022 – The Year of Change

17/08/2022 Comments 0 Comment

It’s been over a year since my last post and honestly, it’s ridiculous how much has changed. If you follow me on various social media platforms you will have seen more than likely but I miss writing my thoughts down here so…here we go. As of June this year, I am a Mum. The one thing I said I would never ever be. I literally always said I don’t want kids, never ever. Yet here we are. The best thing that has happened to me… I realised in mid 2021, probably not long after my last post, that this year…

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Looking Back at Older Photos

Looking Back at Older Photos

07/06/2021 Comments 0 Comment

The past few weeks I’ve been very very tired. I’m still waiting for blood results, and as it turns out, getting in touch with the doctors is near impossible. Absolutely useless. What with starting a new job and having to try and stay mentally strong my brain is exhausted. I’ve spent some time the past few days looking back at older photos of myself. A warning, this post may be a bit of trigger, I am talking about past suicidal thoughts and feelings. For well over 10 years now I have been fighting depression and anxiety, as documented. It recently…

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Stuck in a Loop

Stuck in a Loop

07/05/2021 Comments 0 Comment

It’s yet again been a few minutes since my last post…well more like 2 months… In all honesty it’s been a rather hectic couple of months. I’m not feeling the same I was last time I posted ie down and completely miserable, but I will say my anxiety has increased. I’ve not had an increase in anxiety for a long time. It’s always just been there until recently when the panic attacks and feeling on edge got worse. They’re mostly under control again now but not nice knowing what triggers them. So the main change recently? I left my job….

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It’s always darkest just before the light

It’s always darkest just before the light

04/03/2021 Comments 0 Comment

(I wrote this post a few weeks ago…) As I wrote in my last blog post, I am struggling recently. I’m fighting through my latest depressive period. I don’t think this one has been my worst but nevertheless it’s still unsettling and frankly, exhausting. As I write this I am back in isolation as I’ve apparently been in contact with someone who has tested positive for Covid. No idea who though, I haven’t been out of the flat so no idea. I’m stuck inside until the 4th March. Obviously with more time to sit around and do nothing but think,…

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Everlasting Exhaustion

Everlasting Exhaustion

18/02/2021 Comments 0 Comment

I knew this week was going to be difficult, and I was right. I am mentally and physically drained. At the moment I’m not getting the best sleep. Last night I was plagued by nightmares, the same one I get around this time of the year. A horrible, graphic nightmare I just don’t need. Obviously with disturbed sleep comes tiredness and with tiredness comes irritability. I’m struggling to keep my brain from going into the usual overdrive. It’s a constant battle. I am fed up doing the same things day in, day out and with no change in sight. Every…

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That Time Of Year Again

That Time Of Year Again

14/02/2021 Comments 0 Comment

So it’s that time of year again when I lose all motivation and feel generally down. It must be February! Life It’s always the worst month for me, for obvious reasons. The 21st marks the 19th anniversary of Mum passing away, something that always plays on my mind heavily but more so around this time of year. It’s become the normality for my brain to kind of switch off through February, something I have tried to control but at this point. It’s part of me. Something I have come to accept…I’m just not happy throughout this month, simple as that…

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Week Three and four – birthday week

Week Three and four – birthday week

02/02/2021 Comments 0 Comment

Despite the silence on here, not a great deal has been going on, or changed. I’ve had a lockdown birthday, something I honestly didn’t think or at least was hoping I didn’t have to have, so as imagined it was quite a quiet, calm one. We got a Hickory’s order, bbq pulled pork as normal! This week I’ve been plagued with computer issues too so definitely fallen behind. First the laptop completely slowed down, harddrive connection issues then having to reinstall Lightroom. Absolute nightmare of a week! I haven’t posted two weeks worth of Project365 on here, but they have…

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Week Two – Drone Flying and Reading

Week Two – Drone Flying and Reading

18/01/2021 Comments 0 Comment

It’s been another weird week. Work has been uncharacteristically quiet, it would appear that at least some people are now taking the coronavirus guidelines and laws seriously. I have found my mood has slipped a bit, but then I’ve put it down to January blues. The constant fear of not having enough money, or losing my job is always there. At the moment, my work is steady, even if I have now been put on part time furlough. I have to keep thinking it’s better than nothing, and at least I’ve got something. I guess a lot of people have…

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The First of 2021 – Project365 Beginnings

The First of 2021 – Project365 Beginnings

08/01/2021 Comments 0 Comment

So we’ve got through the first week of 2021. And the first week of the third lockdown…It does really feel like we’re just going round and round in circles. It makes you think, how many times can we do the same thing without someone realising it doesn’t work. Repeating the same mistakes never solves problems. I really do believe we need a total lockdown, close everything that isn’t essential, for a month. I have a feeling I’m not alone in feeling extremely anxious and on edge about the rest of this year. It’s got to get better though, somehow. I…

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