Anyone who tells you that parenthood is easy, is lying to you. It’s been a long, exhausting slog since my last post. My mental health isn’t great, but getting better. Fighting through postnatal depression and social anxiety at the same time isn’t fun.
The past few weeks I’ve been very very tired. I’m still waiting for blood results, and as it turns out, getting in touch with the doctors is near impossible. Absolutely useless. What with starting a new job and having to try and stay mentally strong my brain is exhausted. I’ve spent some time the past few days looking back at older photos of myself. A warning, this post may be a bit of trigger, I am talking about past suicidal thoughts and feelings. For well over 10 years now I have been fighting depression and anxiety, as documented. It recently…
(I wrote this post a few weeks ago…) As I wrote in my last blog post, I am struggling recently. I’m fighting through my latest depressive period. I don’t think this one has been my worst but nevertheless it’s still unsettling and frankly, exhausting. As I write this I am back in isolation as I’ve apparently been in contact with someone who has tested positive for Covid. No idea who though, I haven’t been out of the flat so no idea. I’m stuck inside until the 4th March. Obviously with more time to sit around and do nothing but think,…
Have you ever realised that you can’t remember much about an event or time of your life that everyone else does? I always thought I was weird that I couldn’t recall a lot of my past. As it turns out it’s actually quite normal, especially when you have depression and anxiety moments. Throughout my life I’ve had periods where I’ve blanked things out. I always put it down to my brain protecting itself. What it actually is a very basic form of “dissociative amnesia”. It’s no secret that I’ve had multiple “traumatic” events in my life. When I say traumatic…
It’s funny what pops into your head when you’re doing something completely unrelated. Here I am playing, or at least trying to play, Horizon on the PS4 and yet again my mind is going at a million miles an hour. Really finding it difficult to concentrate again. It’s impossible. I keep thinking about other things I should be, or want to be doing; sorting the cameras out, charging batteries, posting Zoo pictures, playing a different game, reading, shopping. I can’t ever just settle on one thing to do. My brain always has to try and pre plan every little detail…
January is always hard for me. My mental health always takes a big hit.
Every year it is the same thing, but I hold onto the knowledge that bad moods and dark thoughts don’t last. This year is a bit different, it’s my first working through it. It’s a different experience having to mentally try and control myself whilst somewhat putting on an impression of “i’m fine”.
Since my last post, “I’m not going out today”, I’ve hit a bit of a turning point. I received some feedback and comments that spurred me on, that gave me a bit more confidence and passion. I made the conscious decision to not care as much.
10 years ago I would take the camera everywhere I went and snap away, coming home afterwards happy with whatever I had. Recently it’s been quite the opposite. I’d go out, have an idea in my head and then be left deflated when that idea didn’t come to fruition. As it stands, I’m constantly fighting with myself to do the opposite. To embrace what is already happening wherever I am. To be a photographer.
I’m not going out today. A phrase that I, and probably a lot more people than thought, use quite often when feeling anxious, or low. A phrase I should stop saying but that’s just one part of the battle.
So, I originally planned this post to be out yesterday, however it has taken a lot longer than planned to organise and write. Writing about my mental health always requires more time than I plan for.
Thursday 1st February 2018 marked Time to Talk day. Although, a day really isn’t enough. It should be time to talk everyday. The following post is probably going to be my most personal and most difficult to write but it’s an important one.
Firstly this is not my usual topic of choice for a blog and it may not be a pleasant idea for some people. However, it is an important one. This week is Cervical Cancer Prevention Week.
I put off having my Cervical Screening Test, otherwise known as the delightful smear test, for a year. The day I received my letter inviting me to go to my GP to have potentially the most embarrassing procedure done was not my idea of fun.