Anyone who tells you that parenthood is easy, is lying to you. It’s been a long, exhausting slog since my last post. My mental health isn’t great, but getting better. Fighting through postnatal depression and social anxiety at the same time isn’t fun.
The past few weeks I’ve been very very tired. I’m still waiting for blood results, and as it turns out, getting in touch with the doctors is near impossible. Absolutely useless. What with starting a new job and having to try and stay mentally strong my brain is exhausted. I’ve spent some time the past few days looking back at older photos of myself. A warning, this post may be a bit of trigger, I am talking about past suicidal thoughts and feelings. For well over 10 years now I have been fighting depression and anxiety, as documented. It recently…
(I wrote this post a few weeks ago…) As I wrote in my last blog post, I am struggling recently. I’m fighting through my latest depressive period. I don’t think this one has been my worst but nevertheless it’s still unsettling and frankly, exhausting. As I write this I am back in isolation as I’ve apparently been in contact with someone who has tested positive for Covid. No idea who though, I haven’t been out of the flat so no idea. I’m stuck inside until the 4th March. Obviously with more time to sit around and do nothing but think,…
I knew this week was going to be difficult, and I was right. I am mentally and physically drained. At the moment I’m not getting the best sleep. Last night I was plagued by nightmares, the same one I get around this time of the year. A horrible, graphic nightmare I just don’t need. Obviously with disturbed sleep comes tiredness and with tiredness comes irritability. I’m struggling to keep my brain from going into the usual overdrive. It’s a constant battle. I am fed up doing the same things day in, day out and with no change in sight. Every…
Have you ever realised that you can’t remember much about an event or time of your life that everyone else does? I always thought I was weird that I couldn’t recall a lot of my past. As it turns out it’s actually quite normal, especially when you have depression and anxiety moments. Throughout my life I’ve had periods where I’ve blanked things out. I always put it down to my brain protecting itself. What it actually is a very basic form of “dissociative amnesia”. It’s no secret that I’ve had multiple “traumatic” events in my life. When I say traumatic…
January is always hard for me. My mental health always takes a big hit.
Every year it is the same thing, but I hold onto the knowledge that bad moods and dark thoughts don’t last. This year is a bit different, it’s my first working through it. It’s a different experience having to mentally try and control myself whilst somewhat putting on an impression of “i’m fine”.
Since the last post I’m feeling a little better. I’m getting through the latest low mood. I’ve been finding distractions and little ways to feel better.
Drained and exhausted. Two words that sum up a depressive period.
I’ve not been feeling too well the past few days which of course can have an effect on everything else. On top of that today I received some news which wasn’t exactly welcome. Both of these things have brought about my most recent bout of depression and feeling drained.
Periods of depression, being in the shadows, whilst devastating and debilitating can also be very productive. I’ve lost motivation for a huge amount of things over the past few months, but surprisingly, gained a lot too.
I’m often too hard on myself, I’m overly critical and more often than not hate my own work. However, this way of thinking while many see it as a bad thing, has helped force myself to get better. I feel like I’ve improved a few things that otherwise would still be lacking.
So, I originally planned this post to be out yesterday, however it has taken a lot longer than planned to organise and write. Writing about my mental health always requires more time than I plan for.
Thursday 1st February 2018 marked Time to Talk day. Although, a day really isn’t enough. It should be time to talk everyday. The following post is probably going to be my most personal and most difficult to write but it’s an important one.