Since my last post, “I’m not going out today”, I’ve hit a bit of a turning point. I received some feedback and comments that spurred me on, that gave me a bit more confidence and passion. I made the conscious decision to not care as much.
10 years ago I would take the camera everywhere I went and snap away, coming home afterwards happy with whatever I had. Recently it’s been quite the opposite. I’d go out, have an idea in my head and then be left deflated when that idea didn’t come to fruition. As it stands, I’m constantly fighting with myself to do the opposite. To embrace what is already happening wherever I am. To be a photographer.

I recently got shown this short film which has inspired me a huge amount. It accurately explains what goes on in my head on a regular basis.

Since watching the film I have felt more like myself. A really weird thing to say. It’s only a film right? I’m not sure.

I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not bothered if you don’t like my images, or the way I edit them. I don’t care if you think I’m not good enough. I don’t care. What I do care about is finding my happiness with my own work. I’ve been at this stage only once before really. Right before I had my knee surgery and took a break, 2/3 years ago.

Right now I am seeing progression. I’m making my own style of edits which maybe one day will set me apart. Part of that is taking and producing black and white imagery, this is where my heart is, at least 90% of the time. The images and the work I produce may not be unique, anyone can do the same. However, I am a unique photographer, I am me.

I’m taking and editing my best work that I’ve done in the 10 years. A big claim, however, I’m actually enjoying and loving my own images, for once.

– R

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