Stuck in a Loop
It’s yet again been a few minutes since my last post…well more like 2 months…
In all honesty it’s been a rather hectic couple of months. I’m not feeling the same I was last time I posted ie down and completely miserable, but I will say my anxiety has increased. I’ve not had an increase in anxiety for a long time. It’s always just been there until recently when the panic attacks and feeling on edge got worse. They’re mostly under control again now but not nice knowing what triggers them.
So the main change recently? I left my job. I managed to build enough courage in myself to look for a new position elsewhere and get out of an environment that was draining me both mentally and physically. Without going into too much detail, I am beyond relieved I am out of the toxicity. When rumours start to build up and cliques form, it’s time to get out of the situation. All that said though, it’s hard leaving something you’ve become accustomed to. Almost 2 years I was used to the same, or at least a similar thing, each day. When you see a decline in yourself, it’s pretty obvious it’s time to go.
Now the “lockdown” is over, and things are slowly returning to normal I will have to pick up the camera, and drone, again. Last week I went for a walk around Ness Gardens with some family I haven’t seen for 8 months now. It was nice to be able to feel safe whilst finally seeing them and knowing they are both well.
Now, normally I’d pick and choose which of all of those pictures I’d upload, not today. I’m really happy with the B&W edits now and surprisingly, I still like my colour presets from a few months ago. Maybe some slight tweaking is needed but overall, I’m happy. For once.
I really am hoping once I start in the new job, I can settle back down and get out with the camera a little more. Especially knowing in August I have my first WEDDING to photograph. Granted it’s for a friend but still, I have such huge expectations of myself. I need these future photos to be the best they possibly can be. Practice is required…and tips….if you have any…send them my way!
As always, I’ll make promises to write again soon but who knows could be months away…..hopefully not though….
- Rachael