It's always darkest just before the light

(I wrote this post a few weeks ago…)

As I wrote in my last blog post, I am struggling recently.

I’m fighting through my latest depressive period. I don’t think this one has been my worst but nevertheless it’s still unsettling and frankly, exhausting.

As I write this I am back in isolation as I’ve apparently been in contact with someone who has tested positive for Covid. No idea who though, I haven’t been out of the flat so no idea. I’m stuck inside until the 4th March. Obviously with more time to sit around and do nothing but think, it’s dangerous for mental wellbeing.

I’ve said countless times, I’m not afraid to face my depression. I am always open about it, and will always try to write about it and how I feel. It’s not the easiest thing to write about, or read about I guess, but as I have said repeatedly, it’s so important that mental illness is described. It’s the only way the stigma will end if people hear, or in this case, read, people’s darkest thoughts.

(Finished writing this bit on the 4th March…)

Im now at the end of the isolation period, no signs or symptoms which is good. Mentally that was difficult though. I’m feeling better than I was a couple of weeks ago but now mostly that’s been replaced with anxiety.

I’m anxious about going back to work. Despite the fact I did nothing wrong, haven’t been ill, just followed the government guidelines etc I am worried others will judge me. I’m scared I’m going to do something wrong because I’ve been away for a little bit, every time I’m off something changes.

Most of my time off has been spent playing games. Minecraft and The Elder Scrolls Online has got me through these past 11 days. Granted I’ve not done much in either but I feel like they’ve distracted my thoughts for at least 80% of the time.

Like last time I have been using CBD oil to help with my depressive mood. It really does work, once you work out the dosage for YOU. I’ve been using a brand called Beliebis and Skullcrusher CBD Infused coffee. Definitely worth a look!

Right now though, I’m going to go back to Minecraft, build some more things and try not to think about tomorrow.

- Rachael