Everlasting Exhaustion
I knew this week was going to be difficult, and I was right. I am mentally and physically drained.
At the moment I’m not getting the best sleep. Last night I was plagued by nightmares, the same one I get around this time of the year. A horrible, graphic nightmare I just don’t need. Obviously with disturbed sleep comes tiredness and with tiredness comes irritability.
I’m struggling to keep my brain from going into the usual overdrive. It’s a constant battle.
I am fed up doing the same things day in, day out and with no change in sight. Every day, I suppose like everyone, I’m going to work, coming home, going to bed and that’s it. It’s getting me down that there is nothing to look forward to at the minute, and no end to that. Work at the moment is getting me down too, I am coming home exhausted each day with a lack of motivation to do anything else but sleep.
Take today for instance, I’ve just done a 9 hour shift, I am tired which leads to overthinking. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to play games. I don’t even want to be writing really but I know it helps when I vent. All I want is to be in bed, reading, or going through Tik Tok. Something menial and a complete waste of time.
Tonight, I came home from work and cried because I am that tired. Great.
I know I am fine. I know this is just my depression, doing what it does, but it’s still not nice. It’s not nice not being understood and seeing people judging you for “being miserable”. I’ve said before, I get it. Not everyone understands mental illness. They will eventually, one day….I hope. I can only hope.
Like I say though, I am fine. I’ve got through worse episodes, this one won’t be beat me, just like the others didn’t. I am stronger than my brain and my dark thoughts. I just need time and some sleep. Sleep would be nice.
I’m trying to use Twitter more now, I feel like it’s easier to really answer the question social media asks “whats on your mind?” on there rather than Facebook. I might even deactivate Facebook for a bit…
-Rachael