Taking Life With Some Ups and Downs
1 year has flown by, it's so strange to imagine life any differently now though. So much has changed for us all and honestly, I don't know where time has gone, but I know I wouldn't change anything.
Started back at work
I went back to work a few months ago which hasn't been easy trying to swap between newly developed routines and growing a relationship with Freddie and returning to being professional and a different lifestyle. I had some anxiety about going back, there was some apprehension of being 'the worst' and other people's opinions.
There have some changes in work since I have been out of action which I think mainly contributed to my worries but overall, it's been okay. I feel like I've slotted myself back in and mostly remembered what I'm doing. I've tried to go back with a more carefree attitude, previously I got stressed very easily and maybe cared a little too much. This time I'm making more of an effort to leave work at work, and home at home. Freddie is my priority, pretty much all choices I make comes back to doing it for him.
It's been nice going back and having some of the regulars recognise me and show a genuine interest in how we all are. Certainly not something I expected. Saying that I do have another big change coming soon. I'm moving Costa stores to much closer to home, which is a bit worrying but also, I'm trying my best to treat it like a fresh start.
Freddie's first birthday
Last month Freddie turned one. I can't believe how fast it's flown by and how quickly he's growing, I can't keep up. He is SO close to walking which is both exciting and terrifying at exactly the same time.
All over the place
In regards to my mental health, it's been a bit all over the place. I'm still trying to get a hold of it and work myself out. Not easy. I have found that I've fallen off doing my blog...again but saying that, I've been really struggling to find time for anything. I've made sure to continue writing my quick diary entries, and using Daylio though - this could be a post of it's own.
I've always thought I had good time management skills, but recently they are definitely being put to the test. Trying to be, and finding balance for, three different aspects of my life is harder than I thought. I'm sure it is something that will come with time but right now it's exhausting. Nobody told me how much you learn, not just about the child you are raising, but about yourself. It's strange looking at the person I was even just a year ago.
ADHD suspicions
During a recent therapy session it was mentioned that I show a lot of symptoms of ADHD, something I never really thought about. I guess for me and so many others, I wrongly assumed it was something related to bad behaviour and having lots of energy. As it turns out that is so far from the truth for the majority of people.
After a fair bit of research on my behalf, there are so many aspects that align with who I am. Particularly the complete social overwhelm I get a lot in noisy and crowded places. I find I get distracted extremely easily, I can start one thing - get lost - and start something else leaving so many things unfinished, or even during conversation, my mind wanders. The main symptom that stuck out though is the emotional dsyregulation.
For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my thoughts, feelings and how I react to things. I can often find the smallest inconvenience can send me spiralling into anger, depression or the complete opposite of elation and huge amounts of energy. I find it hard to explain myself sometimes which can be really frustrating.
Around about a month ago, I started my journey for assessment and potential diagnosis. In several months time there is every single possibility I could have some answers and advice about everything I thought I knew about my life. That's both exciting and scary at the same time.
Going forward
I hope to write a new blog post each week kind of as a means of journaling to help myself both remember things but to also get some thoughts out of my head. Right now though, I'm going to get ready for another fun-filled day at work.
-Rachael